*sigh*
How sad. My mailbox is filled with skeds of gigs that I can't go to, spam, work-related issues, generic messages sent to friends. I make phone calls to friends who aren't home, who are working, who are too busy for anything. I am pissed with the way things are with work. I feel deadlines breathing down my neck. I can't go out and socialize 'cause there's so much to do. I don't even have time for most of the items on my guilty pleasure list any more.
I try to do what I can with what I have at the moment, but that doesn't take away the pressure, the weight of other people's expectations, the unwanted state of solitude.
*sigh*
I guess if I told people I am happy no one will believe me. But deep inside, I know I am. I am happy that I have projects. I am happy that I'm busy. I am happy to have the stuff I need to accomplish what I have to do. I am happy being 'with someone'. Pero 'yun. I know there is a better way of running things, a better way to treat other people. And it frustrates me that it isn't happening, or more aptly, it breaks my heart. And when I look for an assurance that I am not alone, that there's someone to share the burden with, sometimes-- just sometimes-- I only find myself.
Names worth mentioning today, my heartfelt thanks: Zarah, Marnie and Luis.
Think happy thoughts.
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