Tanga.

Akala ko lang pala
Ako lang talaga
ang nagpapa-ikot
sa buhay kong
magulo / bigo / malungkot

...

Hindi naman masama ang umasa
Ang hirap lang minsan ay hindi ka na makakababa

- Narda

Samantala.

Nakipag-date ako sa sarili ko kagabi para magkaroon ng kabuluhan ang buhay ko.

Maraming salamat sa pelikulang Big Time dahil pansamantala kong nalimutan ang napawalang-kwenta kong araw, ang sama ng pakiramdam at unos sa pag-iisip.

Sound.

Last night I watched Nico play guitar for Kinema at a benefit concert for the townspeople of Sawing Balite, Gabaldon. It's been a long time since I last saw him perform with his choir. It was the Kinema concert, I think, more than a year ago. Nakakamiss.

We watched all the other performers as well-- Himig Hesuwita, Hangad, Bukas Palad and a Dumagat poet. Bukas Palad sang a piece I used to sing with the SSAM Glee Club, Freedom is at Hand. Namimiss ko na tuloy ang choral group.

Nakakatouch 'yung mga nagsalita sa pagitan ng mga mang-aawit. Napabili tuloy ako ng mountain rice sa benefit booth pagkatapos. (Gusto ko naman talaga nun eh.)

Swamped thing.

This isn't right! A few days of recovering from the dratted ankle and now I'm overloaded with work! GAAAH!

[Self-pity mode kicks in.]

Isang araw sa isang linggo na lang ba talaga ako masisikatan ng araw? (T_T)

*sigh*

So this is what it feels like.

After dinner with Nico's parents last night we went to Gogoy's house for my FA barkada's monthly poker-party. Fun!

Nico and I both lost the first game and sat out the next one in the losers' lounge (a.k.a. the videoke room). Then everyone agreed to increase the stakes by 150%. We joined the next round.

It turned out to be a fast game. Nico got booted out early, but I stuck it out to face Barbie one-on-one. Unfortunately the river gave her a better hand. Nico seemed sleepy already so I asked him if he wanted to stay for the last game. He hesitated but he said yes.

The last one was quick as well, with four players getting eliminated two at a time. With three of us left, Jan and Gogoy went all in, and I called their bids. I still had chips left over so I knew I'd still be in the game even if I lost the round. It turned out I did a good call on Gogoy's bluff, and I still had a better hand than Jan.

Wagi! Ang saya. It's my first time to win. I recouped all my losses and expenses for the day. Yay! (n_n)

(See? I'm not a loser all of the time. Minsan lang. Hee.)

Atrophy girl.

Nico says I'm his atrophy girlfriend. :-P

Having a foot in a half-cast has already affected my right leg muscles. Either the left leg has become more dense from taking most of my body weight, or my right leg muscles have shrunk. Or both. Kainis. As soon as my ankle is good to go, I will need to do something about my right leg muscles. Grrrghhh.

I temporarily shed my half-cast last night so I can finally go out with Nico. We had dinner at Fat Choi, played at the money black hole (otherwise known as Timezone), and watched a so-so movie (Underworld Evolution).

Still, I was happy to be out of this hole. Pati utak ko ata nag-atrophy na rin kakatambay sa bahay. It's not easy to stay in one position for too long. Although the swelling in my ankle has subsided, I can still feel pain and discomfort.

(Which reminds me, it's time to put the plaster foot back on.)

The laundry woman will be showing up later. My mom's out of town for the weekend, so I have house duties to do, on top of work and a bunch of deadlines. But I will have to reserve Saturday evening for our monthly poker-night. I need a life.

Chicken.

Things I wish I said to others but did not because I didn't have enough guts back then but it doesn't make a difference 'cause I still don't have enough guts now (Part Two)

• I dunno why your perfect other hasn't found you yet. Sana magkahanapan na kayo.

• Yes, you're the one that got away. So fucking what?

• For a while I thought you were something, but gadsh, I was wrong. I've seen (way) better versions of you.

Workshop weekend.

I spent my birthday differently this year. I sponsored an art workshop afternoon session at Aklatang Pambata yesterday.

My expected headcount was a maximum of 30 children. Seeing a 25+ children when we arrived at the community library, I thought: manageable. By the time we started serving food, the number of children tripled. Parang gremlins sa bilis ng pagdami! I didn't expect numbers to reach 80, but they did (lumampas pa nga ata ng 80). Sadly, I wasn't able to feed all of the kids, and none of the volunteers. I didn't get to eat breakfast/lunch either. We were just too busy to think about food. And keeping the kids behaved was not an easy task. (Did someone say 'impossible'?)

Friends from Ang I.n.K. helped me out. Jomike, Jandy and Doms each facilitated an art workshop. Nico, my official photographer/driver/kargador of the day, took lots of pics using Troy's camera. (Troy, pengeng pictures!!!)

I wanted to give away some prizes, but we had to forgo the party games. Stress levels were already high from handling too many rowdy children. I handed out some giveways to the kids and to some of the volunteers instead.

*****

Uy, workshop hangover!

I drew this fish at home last night, while I taught the two spawn how to do the scratchboard technique.

*****

After the workshop, I gave Nico my gratitude gift: Darth Tater.

(A while ago, via SMS)

Nico: Btw, Darth Tater is now Sith Lord of my desktop, and rules beside my black monitor. Ü
me: Naks. Ü I hope you like.
Nico: I have to like, lest he strangle me with his force choke or sever my fingers with his small lightsaber. Ü
me: Gawin mo siyang french fries if he tries anything fishy.

*****

Grabe. Pagod na pagod pa rin ang pakiramdam ko. (Awww my poor legs and feet!!!) Next year, magpainom na lang kaya ako? Hehe. ;-P

Awww...

I hardly ever have guests around when I'm sick, but tonight was an exception. Nico dropped by after work, at may pasalubong pa! (n_n)

Awww. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. (~,~)

Hospital horrors.

I never liked hospitals.

There was a time in my life when I almost lived in hospitals because my mom had to look after my late eldest sister. The only thing I enjoyed doing there is to visit the nursery and look at the babies. (This crossed my mind just now: maybe it's therapeutic to stare at sleeping babies?) The rest of the time, it was just silence, sickness, and the smell of antiseptic. Oh, and masungit nurses, too.

As far as I can remember I've only been confined in a hospital once, when I was three or four. The doctor had four orderlies hold me down for the IV procedure. *shudder* The rest were just out-patient episodes.

*****

Very early this morning (3 a.m.) I was brought to the Emergency Room in a wheelchair (my first time). After a brief consultation with a doctor from the surgery department, I was advised to have my foot and shin xrayed. In the xray lab, I tearfully snapped at the lab assistant for unnecessarily mocking my predicament. After 15 minutes of grief I was wheeled back to the Emergency Room to wait for the results.

Shortly the doctor informed me of my luck: I didn't see any broken bones but I'm putting a cast on you anyway. Then she sent my mom off to the pharmacy to get some supplies and my painkillers. Then I waited some more.

From one of the curtained cubicles a number of nurses pulled out a bed with a very old woman in it. The other staff quickly attached wires and monitoring devices while the doctors gently administered CPR. Another doctor was pumping air into the old woman's mouth with this balloon-like thing. A kid in her teens looked on.

It seemed for a while that the doctors were able to revive the old woman with CPR, artificial respirators and several vials of meds inserted into her IV. But after a few minutes more, I found the kid sitting on the floor, crying bitterly. I knew then that the old woman was gone. :-(

Not long after that, a couple of guys from a vehicular accident were brought in. One of them was unconscious, but both faces (and various parts of their bodies) were covered in blood. I didn't see what happened next. I was brought outside to a waiting cab after my cast was set.

On the ride home I thought to myself, how lucky I must be, despite the circumstances. Paiyak-iyak pa ako sa sakit, pero wala pa 'yun sa nararamdaman ng ibang tao sa paligid ko. Shame, shame. :-(

*****

I know I can never be a doctor or a nurse, even if I wanted to. I don't think I'm psychologically capable of handling too many incidences of sickness, violence and death.

I've seen enough ER action to last me several years. I hope I never have to go through that again.

WAAAH!

Today fucking sux. I swear. <:-(

*****

After a meeting with a potential I.n.K. client yesterday, I went around the Greenhills malls and fell down some stairs. I immediately got up, despite the pain in my ankle and my poor scraped shin, and walked around some more in my 3.5" wedge heels.

Afterwards I went to Galleria, bought new shoes, then met up with Nico at Shangri-La Mall.

We had buffet dinner with Nico's family at EDSA Shangri-La. The pain in my foot started to become more noticeable. I changed into my new salmon shoes, but by the time we finished dinner I was already limping.

Outside my house I got out of the car fine, but walking up the driveway was too painful. I called my nephew for assistance. I managed climbing the stairs sitting down, and hopped the rest of the way to my room. I wrapped elastic bandage around my swollen ankle before going to bed, but that didn't help. I couldn't sleep because of the pain, and the fever. Moving my toes proved to be extremely painful.

My mom took me to the hospital at 3 a.m. According to the xrays, I didn't have broken bones, but the doctor insisted that my right foot be placed in a half-cast to immobilize my badly injured ankle. I tried to talk the doctor out of it, but wheedling didn't work. :-/

*****

Now I heavily rely on painkillers for temporary relief. And it looks like I'll be hopping my way around the house for one or two weeks. This really fucking sux.

My post-birthday workshop event is coming up, and I can't cancel anymore, and I don't know how I'm gonna go about it. Fuck.

*****

Highlights of the day:

• Nico
• blueberry and strawberry crepe
• six A Nightmare Before Christmas character bobbleheads
• new shoes, and
• <3 <3 <3

I feel loved.

Awww. <3 Thanks to everyone who sent gifts/greeted me on my birthday. Andami ninyo!!! (n_n) [At salamat sa text unlimited ng Globe hehehe.]

Special thanks to Song Hye Kyo addict Nico, for making things extra special. (~,~)

('Yung mga nakalimot diyan, ihanda ninyo ang mga regalo ninyo sa akin. Panget! Hmf.)

Haaa-meee.*

Yup, happy. (n_n) Even with the asthma and the sniffles.

*****

Nico and I went to see the blocked screening of The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe yesterday at the Shang. The movie did not disappoint my expectations. Nico liked it, too. It was a good adaptation of the book, with very minimal changes in detail. I hope they start filming the next movie already!

We had late dinner at Green Tomato after the movie (yum!), then we decided to check out the Christmas displays at the Marikina Riverpark.

The castles on display were closed to the public, but we were welcome to stare at them from the outside. We didn't have a camera with us, just Nico's trusty but low-res mobile phone cam.

Hogwarts Express! (A horntail lurks above. Mukhang laruan sa pic, pero malaki talaga 'yan.)

I specifically wanted to see Hogwarts, but we also had a quick view of a Lord of the Rings set-up, and various fantasy castles from animated flicks.

Nico took me home, and while in the car, gave me a very heavy wrapped package which contained the following:

Wheeeee! :-D

Roald Dahl!!! I only have three books from this particular set, so now I am seven books richer! :-D And 19 DVDs worth of Jewel in the Palace! Alam ko sisirain nito ang work sked ko, pero at least hindi na ako masestress kapag hindi ako nakakauwi ng maaga on weekdays. Hahaha!

Shet ang saya ko hehe. (n_n)

(* Remember the old vacuum-pack station ID on MTV? "Haaa-meee. [Help me.]" "Happy?" Heh heh heh... It's velly dangerous.)

Scrawl.

Fooling around with my niece's neon magic slate in between commercial breaks while watching uhm, Jewel.... Heh heh.

*Khhh* *khhh*

Kahahabol ng deadlines, hinika ako. :-P

Well, actually, the new year pollution did it. We spent the turn of the year outdoors for the party games (which I was in charge of) and that exposed me to all the smoke and fumes from all the fireworks.

It was one of the worst asthma attacks I have ever had. The very audible sound of my wheezing lungs woke me up. Only then did I realize that I was hardly breathing at all. Skeery.

(Ngayon naniniwala na ako na nakamamatay nga ang hika.)

*****

2006 found me as busy as ever.

I forced myself to keep working despite my health, despite the holidays. (Nakaka-self-pity magtrabaho ng pasko at bagong taon, promise.) I only took breaks for meals, sleep, bathroom routines and Jewel in the Palace (hehe). For days I avoided my usual online haunts, YM and links that can potentially waste my time (and that explains the blog inactivity). Then I took advantage of the available bandwidth and downloaded like crazy while working. Heheh. Smart.

*****

Antihistamines + one yellow Post-it forever gone from my desktop = relief.

Oh yes.

*khhh* *khhh*